Through Joanna's Eyes
by rosehustle1
Summary: Joanna Lannister's life with Tywin and her children. The whole story changes when Joanna survives Tyrion's birth.
1. Chapter 1

Joanna looked over herself in the mirror. The gown was the crimson red of and gold of their house with small pearls woven into the sleeves. The handmaidens had left her hair down in golden ringlets with half pinned up in an intricate braid. She knew she should feel happy and excited about her wedding, but she didn't. It was difficult to feel excited to meet the man who had decimated all her friends who belonged to the Reynes and Tarbeck families. They were not all against the Lannisters. Her friend Carlyanna Reyne was fourteen and only wanted to sing songs and go riding. She was sweet and funny and…Joanna would never see her again. Then there were the babies and small children that Tywin and is brothers had ordered to be killed. It was horrific. None of those children had anything to do with this feud, but they were murdered regardless.

'How will I ever love him?" she asked herself before smoothing her dress and walking out the door.

When she stood next to him at the altar she had to admit he was handsome, and he did seem genuinely happy to see her there. He was smiling brightly and she felt a bit lightheaded from the sight. Everyone had said he never smiled. Joanna didn't know what to make of her groom.

The feast seemed to go on for years until one of her drunken cousins announced the bedding ceremony. It didn't take long for her to be picked up by some of the male guests and stripped to her small clothes before being deposited into her wedding chamber. Tywin came a minute later equally disheveled.

He stood watching her uncertainly for a moment.

"I hope they weren't too rough with you, my lady."

Joanna sighed and walked over to the bed and sat down. "No just a bit overzealous…I only hope you will be gentle, my lord."

Tywin walked over and sat beside her. "We can wait another night if you are not ready."

She looked up at him in surprise and noticed the softness that now cradled his expression.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes of course, my lady."

"Do you ever regret all that has happened, all the bloodshed and loss?"

He looked away from her and sighed.

"It needed to be done, but I do regret some of the methods used."

Joanna wasn't sure what to make of him, but at least he admitted to having some regrets for all that was done. Maybe he wasn't a complete monster. Maybe she could help him be better.

"Alright. I am ready then." She said as she laid her hand within his.

He looked at her hand and then up at her face.

"We don't have to…"

Joanna leaned forward and gently kissed him.

"Let us try."

Joanna walked up the sandy shore until she could see Casterly Rock high in the distance. Tywin walked a few steps behind her.

"It is beautiful here." She said as she took a seat in the sand.

Tywin finally moved to sit by her.

"I'm glad you think so…you are more beautiful however."

She smiled at him.

"You are always so different with me than everyone else. You're only open with me. Why?"

He looked at her for a few moments and pulled her hand into his own.

"It's quite simple really. I've loved you the moment I met you."

Her breath caught at the brutally honest declaration. He had never said he loved her before, and now he said it with such conviction. Three moons since they had wed, and he had been gentle and caring and helped her become accustomed to The Rock. But he had never told her he loved her, and she still did not know how she felt toward him.

"You met me on our wedding day. How could you love me?" She asked as she gently stroked his hand.

"I was quite surprised myself, but I knew from that moment and I still do." He said as he brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

"I don't know how I feel yet, my lord. I will say that it has been very nice so far."

He laughed and pulled her closer to him. Joanna leaned into his touch.

"I know you are conflicted because of all that ugliness from last year, and I can understand why you would be weary of me. But I promise you that I will never harm you or allow anyone else to. You are mine and I am yours."

Joanna turned toward him and nodded softly in agreement.

"I believe you, Tywin."


	2. Chapter 2

"I am with child." Joanna said with a smile as she stood in Tywin's solar.

Tywin looked up from his book. A big grin started to overtake his face.

"You're certain?"

Nodding enthusiastically, Joanna began to walk over to him, but he met her half way bringing her into his arms.

"This is wonderful! You have made me the happiest man in the seven kingdoms."

Joanna giggled and drew him into a kiss.

"I love you, Joanna" He said once their lips parted.

She looked into his eyes and drew closer to him. She knew she could finally say it. He was complicated and not always good to others. But he was always good to her. Now she felt it within her heart, and she couldn't keep it inside anymore.

"I love you too."

* * *

The twins were playing with their small black dog as Joanna sat under the lemon tree.

They were four years old and already coming into their personalities. Little Cersei always wanted to be in charge and often Jaime was too happy to oblige his big sister's wishes. They rarely argued instead they always wanted to be together. Joanna loved how close they were, but sometimes she wondered if it would do them good to play with other children. They never seemed to warm up to other children. Jaime was able to play with some of the servants' children from time to time, but Cersei usually stole his attention away. Maybe this was just how twins were.


	3. Chapter 3

"How is she Maestar?"

The older man went to sit next to Tywin on the small bench.

"She's exhausted and has lost a lot of blood…but thankfully she still lives."

Tywin let out a breath and sat down.

"Thank the Gods…and the baby?"

Maestar Theomore grimaced.

"He is healthy and breathing fine…but he is different than your other children."

Tywin's face paled.

"Is he blind? Does he have a deformity? Just tell me."

Maestar Theomore placed a hand on Tywin's shoulder, something he never did unless delivering grave news, the last being the death of his father.

"He is a dwarf."

Tywin let out a breath and covered his face with his hands.

* * *

Joanna was lying against the pillows when her husband entered the chamber.

"My love, I'm so glad you're alright." He said through a blur of tears.

Joanna was still very tired but opened her arms to him. He moved to the bed and clutched to her chest.

"Oh, I wasn't ready to meet the Gods. All is good now, my silly lion."

Tywin pulled back and softly touched her cheek. Joanna rubbed the tears from his eyes and kissed his cheek.

"There is something I must tell you…something that will pain you." He said as he shut his eyes and leaned against the headboard.

"Tywin, is it the baby? I haven't seen him due to the blood loss earlier. I want to hold him…Is he healthy?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Tywin, what is it?"

Her husband pulled her against him and gently stroked her golden hair.

"He is a dwarf."

Joanna let out a breath and then leaned to look at her husband.

"But he is healthy otherwise?"

Tywin looked at her in surprise.

"Did you hear me, love?"

"Yes, he is a dwarf…it is not what I had hoped, but he is healthy and ours."

"Yes, healthy but still a dwarf. How are you not upset?"

Joanna gestured for him to give her another pillow and he placed it against her lower back.

"Well, he is our little boy regardless of how tall he'll be…he needs us Tywin."

Tywin didn't know how to respond.

"Silly lion, I nearly died for him. I already love him with my whole being just as I did Cersei and Jaime…I ask that you do the same."

Tywin stood from the bed and walked to the balcony.

"I don't know if I can…did the maestar tell you that they'll be no more children after this…too much damage."

Joanna nodded and continued to study her husband.

"Yes. I know but I honestly didn't want another after this pregnancy. It took nine years to have Tyrion."

"Tyrion? You'll still name him for my great uncle?"

Joanna's eyes narrowed in anger.

"Of course, he is still a Lannister and our son. We agreed to name him Tyrion months ago."

"Joann, he isn't fit for the name!"

"Tywin, I love you but if you ever say such a horrid thing again you will share my bed no longer. I will not allow you to harm our boy."

Tywin was shocked by her bold declaration but knew that she would uphold her words.

"Fine. I will try for you, my love."

Joanna nodded and then asked for him to get the baby sent to her.


	4. Chapter 4

"Cersei's room will be on the other side of the castle from now on."

The twin's looked upset but neither dared to say a word as the maid went to retrieve the young girl's things.

"Jaime you need to go to your room now."

"But mother…"

"Now!"

Jaime left out fast. Very rarely did their mother yell. He knew he was in trouble.

"Mother it isn't what you thought." Cersei said as she sat on her bed.

Joanna sat down next to her daughter.

"Yes it was. We both know it was. Lies don't become you…You will never do this again or I will tell your father."

"Mother, we were just curious."

Joanna stroked her daughter's cheek.

"Be curious with boys you aren't related to."

"But you and father are cousins."

"Yes cousins not twin siblings. No more arguments, Cersei. Your father may be blind but I am not. I don't know why you believe you can set the terms here but that is not how things will work. I love you with all my heart and I want you to be happy…This 'curiosity' will only lead to misery."

"You don't know that!"  
"Yes I do. Jaime deserves a wife and family as do you deserve a good husband and children. Neither of these things will happen with you two so wrapped up in one another. Things end today. Now go to your new room."

* * *

"Mother, I love her and she loves me." Tyrion said as he stood at the window.

Joanna smiled at her youngest child and motioned for him to sit with her.

"My darling, I am happy for you, but I fear what your father may do to once he discovers this relationship. Jaime's in the Kingsguard and you are the only one to inherit Casterly Rock…She is lowborn."

Tyrion rolled his eyes and ran a hand over his face.

"I may never find this again."

Joanna pulled her son into a hug and stroked his back.

"I will come up with something." She said as she kissed his cheek.

* * *

"Mother, you would ask me to leave the Kingsguard after only being a knight for three moons?" Jaime asked as he paced his mother's room.

"Please, my dearest, this may be the only way to protect Tyrion and give him an opportunity to have love. I know you'd do anything for him unlike your sister and sadly your father. Since Aerys has always had high regard for me I'm sure I could convince him." She said with a tight smile. Joanna knew she may have to do things she would hate in order to free Jaime from Aerys' grasp. She'd make sure Tywin would never know.

Jaime stopped pacing and watched his mother for a moment.

"He really loves her and she loves him?"

"They want to marry. Jaime, I know this is a lot to ask of you… but you will always have more opportunities than Tyrion. I just want him to be happy."

Sighing, Jaime walked over to his mother and kissed her cheek.

"I would do anything for him and for you."

Joanna's face lit up at her son's statement.

"Thank you so much my dearest. You are the most honorable of men… I am so proud to be your mother." She said as she pulled him into an embrace.

Through all their commotion neither noticed the chamber door slowly close behind them.


	5. Chapter 5

"My Lady Lannister, the little lord is in a bad way. He refuses to leave his chambers."

Joanna suddenly felt an uneasy knot in her stomach. Something was very wrong.

"Tyrion, my darling, please let me in."

"No. I don't want to see anyone."

Joanna could hear his muffled sobs. Taking a chance she slowly opened the door.

Tyrion was on the floor in the fetal position crying. She ran over and knelt beside him.

"She's dead…Tysha was killed by outlaws. They stole all her wares and slit her throat."

Joanna stroked his forehead.

"Oh, my darling boy, I never wanted you to feel this kind of pain."

* * *

Joanna was brushing Cersei's hair and listening to her talk of her future wedding day.

"Mother, I don't want Oberyn Martell. Father says I can be queen one day and have Rhaegar as my king. He's handsome and brave, besides then I can see Jaime whenever I want."

Joanna suddenly stilled the brush.

"Cersei, Rhaegar is married to Elia now. You know that."

"For now, it's only a matter of time before she dies. Her last pregnancy left her so frail."

Joanna put the brush down and pulled Cersei to face her.

"Did you hurt Tysha?"

Cersei became silent.

"Who is Tysha?" She asked matter of factly looking to the side.

Joanna pulled away from her daughter.

"Oh, Gods! You had her murdered so Jaime could remain in the Kingsguard."

"Mother, I don't know what you are talking about. I would never…"

"I know when you lie. You always look to the side before meeting my eyes just like your father."

Cersei recoiled at her mother's stern tone.

"So what if I did. No one will know. I had it look like an outlaw did it. She's only small folk."

"You killed a young girl. You destroyed Tyrion. You took away Jaime's last chance of a normal life. You stole their happiness!"

"Please, Tyrion has been a lost cause since birth, and Jaime is happiest with me."

Joanna slapped her daughter hard in the face. The sting was intense. Cersei stared in shock at her mother.

"Never say Tyrion is a lost cause or any other terrible thing to me. I can't bear to look at you right now. Leave."

Cersei, holding back tears, ran from the room.


	6. Chapter 6

"I heard about Elia and her children. How could you?!"

Tywin poured two glasses of Arbor Gold and offered her one. Joanna ignored the gesture and stood with her hands on her hips awaiting an answer.

"I never told him to murder her, just the children." He said before taking a sip of drink.

Joanna shook her head in dismay.

"You shouldn't have ordered any of it, and you should never have taken that 8 foot monstrosity into your service. You saw what he did to his poor brother."

"I'll admit he went too far but our enemies…"

"Stop talking. I can't stand to hear your rationalizations. It's the Reynes and the Tarbecks all over again."

"They needed to be put down."

"The individuals who were responsible, yes, but not the entire family line. I was friends with many of them, their daughters and children. You butchered them and you've butchered Elia…I was close to her and her mother." Joanna cried as tears streamed down her face.

Tywin walked over and attempted to hold her hand but she pulled away.

"No. I can't stand to have you touch me now. Do not come to my chambers tonight."

* * *

"Why did you never tell Tyrion what I did?" Cersei asked as her mother braided her long golden hair.

"It's better for you that I didn't. He's a good boy but in some ways he takes after your father…I feared for your life."

Cersei's eyes met her mothers in the mirror. After a few minutes of silence, Cersei began to speak more about her husband to be.

"Mother, Robert will be a good king, don't you think?"

"Who's to say? He took the throne but can he rule? To be honest his friend, Eddard Stark, would be a better ruler. I met him once in your father's solar. He seemed genuine, honorable, and kind. How I wish you were marrying him instead."

Cersei laughed.

"He's so dour and not as handsome as Robert. Also he wasn't so honorable to Catelyn Tully. I heard he brought his bastard to live with them after the war."

Joanna was surprised to hear that but shook her head in reproach.

"That may be so but one bastard isn't as bad as dozens spread throughout the kingdom. Would Robert ever care for any of them as Lord Stark does? He seems the sort to not care for anyone but himself."

Cersei huffed in annoyance and turned to face her mother.

"Why can you never be happy for me?"

Joanna sighed and held her hands up in surrender. Cersei softened at the gesture and leaned back.

"I worry for you. You've always wanted power and prestige but getting those things may mean losing out on others. You may never know happiness if you marry him. He fought this whole war to win back Lyanna Stark. Do you really think the love he had for her disappeared because she died?"

Cersei smiled triumphantly. She reached for her mother's hands holding them tightly within her own.

"He'll love me, mother, the moment he sees me tomorrow. Lyanna Stark will be a distant memory."

"Oh, my girl, love doesn't work that way. I fear Lyanna Stark's ghost will haunt you for the rest of your life."


	7. Chapter 7

"He nearly beat him to death over some nonsense with a cat."

Joanna was shocked at her daughter's reaction to Joffrey's behavior. The cat was pregnant, and he cut its belly open to show the unborn kittens to Robert. Joanna was disgusted and couldn't blame Robert for his reaction.

"He should not have beaten him to a pulp but Cersei what Joffrey did was horrible. That poor animal and her kittens are dead. Something is wrong with your son."

Cersei turned her back on her mother.

"He's just curious…I'll just have to explain to him…"

"He's all wrong! You know it. He hurts 'Cella and Tommen, he kills cats and tried to push Sweet Robin down the steps… If you had just stayed away from Jaime…"

Cersei stilled and narrowed her eyes at her mother.

"Don't you dare! Mother there is nothing going on with Jaime…"

"How I wished that were true… I tried to stop it but you two had your own ideas. Now we have a child who is as mad as a Targaryen!"

The slap came suddenly and Joanna was a bit stunned that her daughter had hit her. But she would not let it distract her from what she needed to say.

"Hurting me won't change the truth. He needs to be fostered somewhere else. Highgarden may be good or Winterfell. He needs to become a better person, Cersei . I don't think this place will teach him that."

"He is my son. He stays with me. You are my mother but never forget that I am the queen."

Joanna shook her head in disappointment.

"So be it."


End file.
